theawfulshowfandomcom-20200213-history
Pulp Martian
In this commercial, Keyz (imitating Looney Tunes' Marvin the Martian) promotes a new film. Script Announcer: From Quentin Tarantino, the creator of Reservoir Bugs and Natural Born Leghorn comes a classic story with a new twist. Something different. Something alien. Vincent: And you know what they call a... a... a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in Paris? Marvin: They don't call it a Quarter Pounder with cheese? Vincent: No man, they got the metric system. They wouldn't know what the fuck a Quarter Pounder is. Marvin: Then what do they call it? Vincent: They call it a Royale with cheese. Marvin: A Royale with cheese. What do they call a Big Mac? Vincent: Well, a Big Mac's a Big Mac, but they call it le Big-Mac. Marvin: Le Big-Mac. Ha ha ha ha. What do they call a Whopper? Vincent: I dunno, I didn't go into Burger King. (scene change) Marvin: Fuck, nigga, what did you do to his towel? Vincent: I was dryin' my hands. Marvin: You're supposed to wash 'em first. Vincent: You watched me wash 'em. Marvin: I watched you get 'em wet. Vincent: I was washing 'em. But this shit's hard to get off. Maybe if I had Lava or something, I coulda done a better job. Marvin: I used the same fuckin' soap you did and when I got finished, the towel didn't look like no god-damn Maxi-Pad. (scene change) Brett: No, no, I just want you to know... I just want you to know how sorry we are that things got so fucked up with us and Mr. Wallace. We got into this thing with the best intentions and I never... (switch music) Marvin: shoots the man on the couch I'm sorry, did I break your concentration? I didn't mean to do that. Please, continue, you were saying something about best intentions. What's the matter? Oh, you were finished. Well then, allow me to retort. What does Marsellus Wallace look like? Brett: What? Marvin: What country are you from? Brett: What? Marvin: What ain't no country I ever heard of. They speak English in What? Brett: What? Marvin: English, motherfucker, do you speak it? (scene change) Marvin: and Marvin are cleaning the inside of the car which is covered in blood Oh, man, I will never forgive your ass for this shit. This is some fucked-up repugnant shit. Vincent: Jules, did you ever hear the philosophy that once a man admits that he's wrong that he is immediately forgiven for all wrongdoings? Have you ever heard that? Marvin: Get the fuck out my face with that shit! The motherfucker that said that shit never had to pick up itty-bitty pieces of skull on account of your dumb ass. Vincent: I got a threshold, Jules. I got a threshold for the abuse that I will take. Now, right now, I'm a fuckin' race car, right, and you got me the red. And I'm just sayin', I'm just sayin' that it's fuckin' dangerous to have a race car in the fuckin' red. That's all. I could blow. Marvin: Oh! Oh! You ready to blow? Vincent: Yeah, I'm ready to blow. Marvin: Well, I'm a mushroom-cloud-layin' motherfucker, motherfucker! Every time my fingers touch brain, I'm Superfly T.N.T., I'm the Guns of the Navarone! IN FACT, WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOIN' IN THE BACK? YOU'RE THE MOTHERFUCKER WHO SHOULD BE ON BRAIN DETAIL! We're fuckin' switchin'! I'm washin' the windows, and you're pickin' up this nigger's skull! (scene change) Announcer: John Travolta, Uma Thurman, Harvey Kietel, Tim Roth, Amanda Plumber, Ving Rhames, Eric Stoltz, Rosanna Arquette, Christopher Walken, Bruce Willis, and Marvin the Martian (scene change) Marvin: And you will know my name is the lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee. Mmmm, Isn't that lovely? Category:Faux_Commercials